24 Mar 2011
Continue with my last entry, the therapy I had was truly some truth discovering experience.
Diagnose with a bloated stomach, I was told that it was due to bad vibes that I've locked them down in there. I was asked if there's any bad feelings or thoughts within me, that I hasn't set them free and find a solution to it.
When the therapist found out that the left side of my stomach was actually higher than the right side (I, myself could really feel with my hands that it is truly higher on the left!), she questioned if the problem that haunt me got to do to "females"?
*As female related problem will affect the left side of body, which is what the therapist claimed. I chose to believe.
True as her diagnose. Probably something which I have been undergoing, since the day I stated my wish to head back to where I feel I belong. During those days, dark arrows shot from mystery, were aimed towards me and I swallowed them down and kept it within me.
Never did I ever share it with anyone else, other than Jazs. I'm truly hurt but I kept it all in me. Ties closer than friends, but somehow the relationship seems like oil on water, separating themselves in defining form, that a CLEAR line is formed. The feeling hurts both of us really bad, so bad that our eyes were drenched a couple of time. Those people, who I, myself, respected for the past 27 years, never really spare a thought for us. Never bother to get the FULL details before trying to cool things down. I just have to tell them, that they see (surfaces) things from above, but they certainly do not have the eye power of an eagle. Probably, bats flying in the night, avoiding obstruction with their EARS (only).
Like I've always tell my friends, The 'Antz' you see during work and outings compare to 'ShuiQing' you see at home are from two different worlds.
Antz do wanna bring laughter and fun to all people he met. Speaks nothing but the truth about his feelings & thoughts and reveals all true expressions on his face.
ShuiQing just wanna stay in his room, befriends with his PC. Speaks no more than 10 sentences to those staying under the same roof. Not that ShuiQing cannot be bothered, just that he had tried. Speaking to them makes ShuiQing like a human just talk to them in some Mars or Jupiter languages.
Trying to fix the knot that is so tight for the past 15 years (since I really understand the Way of Living on planet Earth), I finally throw in the towel.
What we want now is just some peace. Let us enjoy our blissful married life with our parents, and the ones who TRULY, SINCERELY wish us best and brighten up our life journey along the way.
